Fragmented Thoughts

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no matter how engrossed i am to the real world, i still need to detach myself from it.. this is my planet..my own.. exposed yet restricted.. i do have lots of stories to tell yet i do know when to stop telling them.. I'll share everything i can.. the whole thing that i am permitted to uncover..

i may not write beyond your belief..but whatever my hands and fingers bring here, they are the products of my heart and brain..let it be heard..

twitter.com/theuniqueahija:

    MOTIONLESS

    My page has been silent for days. (because) Aside from having an unstable internet connection, my mind is also in unstable state. I haven’t been able to tolerate and sort out all the positive and negative feelings. I don’t want to write like dashing off all the dreadful emotions I’m currently into. Nonetheless everything will be balanced. (at least)

    The bliss(es) and blues of vacation is killing me. I have plans of volunteering on a certain government agency but since I’m broke (because I chose to spend my last penny on a summer spree and on other nonsense things. *sigh*) and had decided to be a homebody, it obviously didn’t materialize. I was able to relive my frustrations with friends and was torn between doing something or nothing about it (too bad my mind is giving in to the second one). You know what’s the worst one? It’s thinking about how stagnant my life had become and no one’s to be blamed but me.

    I cannot help but think of the things I’ve done with my life. I know it’s a bit overemotional and sounds like a cliche, but have you felt like you were riding on a boat and would just allow the waves to bring you anywhere while you can paddle and navigate the boat yourself?

    I was really am grateful for being blessed with this life. I was rehired in school, I have those people who genuinely love me and the blessings are countless I couldn’t ask for more (oh, sometimes?). It’s just that I intentionally allowed myself to be entirely engulfed by fear and lack of discipline, thus making my life immobile. Worst is I can still afford to become passive about it. I became too lax and inconsistent. Yes, inconsistent. I never was consistent in anything and that basically brought me nothing. I guess I have to train myself on that. That will probably put everything into place.

    I never have been good in dealing with emotions. I am the type of person who tolerates the whole lot through moping. But I guess that was just it. We all come across our mad season and eventually realize that it’s just all fun and games. I mean everything should not always be taken grievously (Err).

    Life could be a “ride and die”. We just have to find the things and the people that are worth riding and dying for! 

    — 1 week ago
    #personal shit 
    I like it #classic and #vintage. It can also be different and #weird. #nothing

    I like it #classic and #vintage. It can also be different and #weird. #nothing

    — 1 week ago
    #nothing  #vintage  #weird  #classic 

    Zodiac Expressions of Sadness

    ♈ Aries:Rage, impulsivity and failure to get worked up about the things they normally do, oppositional but with less verve and energy
    ♉ Taurus:Isolation, binge eating and lethargy, a sense of 'me against the world', less patience, easier to enrage
    ♊ Gemini:Silence, nerves, over thinking, easily distractible and seems 'elsewhere'; they are fairly intolerable to sadness they tend to detach/dissociate from feelings after a short while
    ♋ Cancer:Teariness, neediness, isolation, binge eating, crying after insignificant events, stomach aches, a feeling of separation from everyone around them
    ♌ Leo:Obvious displays of stress, they become like a wound up string and as if they are on the brink of a nervous break down. Short tempered and needy (only around close friends/family) and become martyred
    ♍ Virgo:Isolation, heightened compulsions (cleaning, washing hands more etc;), unresponsive in conversations, at time blunt and more oppositional
    ♎ Libra:General feeling of instability/moodiness, reduced urge to socialize/be with friends, hopelessness, a feeling of being disliked/rejected by everyone, you can sense them 'trying' to be happy and keep composed
    ♏ Scorpio:Isolation, opposition, hostility and violent mood swings. Intense melancholy with at times delusions and paranoia. Thoughts even scary to them, a sense of 'me against the world'.
    ♐ Sagittarius:Lethargy, escapism (substance use etc;), uncharacteristically more serious and tense, less tolerance, feelings of worry when thinking into the future
    ♑ Capricorn:Demotivation, lethargy, hopelessness, over thinking, they seem tense and 'overly alert', hyper vigilant, force themselves to 'go through the motions', nothing impresses them
    ♒ Aquarius:Uneasy, harder to 'reach'; as if they are far away. Silence, isolation, detachment, even though they try to appear happy. Distractible
    ♓ Pisces:Teariness, anxiety, isolation, when they feel sadness they tend to feel 'all at once', nerves, obsessive/ruminating thinking, remembering everything bad that ever happened to them, crying over insignificant events
    — 1 week ago with 144278 notes

    i was about to follow an account wherein i could somehow get some resolutions on my grammar issues (because i commit errors most of the time). i was too ecstatic to open my laptop and rummage over someone’s page just to find it. it took me a couple of minutes until i reach the page (where the account was shared) when i ticked the link this is what I’ve found: 

    NOT FOUND

    The URL you requested could not be found. 

    then my mouth hanged open. (hijo de puta!) 

    and now it’s late, but my hands are uncontrollable they want to search for another account similar to that epic one. ugh! 

    — 2 weeks ago
    #personal shit 
    I wanted to stay up all night. I know it’s not healthy to do so. But I want to drown myself with so many thoughts and feed my mind with thoughts that aren’t mine as well. I am hoping that by fusing all those thoughts my heart and soul will also be nurtured with unfathomable entities that will withdraw the surreal judgments unnecessary for living my life to boundlessness. 
-J 

    I wanted to stay up all night. I know it’s not healthy to do so. But I want to drown myself with so many thoughts and feed my mind with thoughts that aren’t mine as well. I am hoping that by fusing all those thoughts my heart and soul will also be nurtured with unfathomable entities that will withdraw the surreal judgments unnecessary for living my life to boundlessness.

    -J 

    — 2 weeks ago
    #personal shit 
    Life brings extreme emotions that suppress humans. The “feels” are so intense that you forget that it constantly shifts leaving you dominated and powerless.

    Life brings extreme emotions that suppress humans. The “feels” are so intense that you forget that it constantly shifts leaving you dominated and powerless.

    — 2 weeks ago
    Uhuh. #theuglytruth (cto)

    Uhuh. #theuglytruth (cto)

    — 2 weeks ago
    #theuglytruth 
    Mixed…

    Shucks. I’m having this “appreciation” of someone’s page again. Yeah, it’s not “stalking”, it is appreciation! Remember that! Ugh!

    And now the internet connection is having shitty disconnection intervals and it’s driving me nuts! When it comes to patience I suck most of the time. (Kill me now!)

    (Anyway) I had the whole weekend jam-packed with mixed emotions. I cannot even sort out which one was prominent.  

    I snapped for being deprived of enough sleep just because I wanted a sleep over.

    I got melancholic for not being able to finish all the requirements in school just because I was way too lazy to deal with everything, thus delaying my vacation at home.

    I was crashed for I’ve found out that my Papa was hospitalized and I’m still away from home.

    I felt giddy for having my first summer getaway free of charge and was stood on a guilt trip right away.

    I ate every food offered without thinking that I’m already fat and will be wearing a fancy (I want it to be) gown for my best friend’s wedding next week.

    I finished some paper works without exerting any effort that the work looks like a trash.

    I forgot that it’s my “I’m-broke-season” and found out that I spent beyond my budget this summer.

    I finally accepted that writing isn’t for me. (But I’ll still keep trying. No boundaries?) *sigh*

    Whoa! Now I made it obvious. I guess the emotion was disclosed. What do you say to that? Sheesh.

    — 2 weeks ago
    #personal shit 
    Tris is Hazel Grace, too. Hmmm. 

    Tris is Hazel Grace, too. Hmmm. 

    (via lifeslikeacupoftea)

    — 2 weeks ago with 169 notes